Adult Site Broker Talk Episode 190 with Pauline Ryeland

This is Bruce Friedman of Adult Site Broker and welcome to Adult Site Broker Talk where each week we interview one of the movers and shakers of the adult industry and we give you a tip on buying and selling websites. This week we’ll be speaking with Pauline Ryeland, the intimacy whisperer. Would you like an easy way to make a lot of money? Send sellers or buyers to us at Adult Site Broker through our affiliate program, ASB Cash. When you refer business to us, you’ll receive 20% of our broker commission on all sales that result from that referral for life. You can make $100,000 or more on only one sale for some of our listings. Check out ASB Cash dot com for more details and to sign up. At Adult Site Broker, we’re proud to announce our latest project, thewaronporn.com. You’ll find articles from industry websites as well as mainstream publications from around the world. It’s designed to raise awareness of our industry’s plight in the war on porn and the numerous attacks on our industry and online free speech by hate groups, the religious right and politicians. You’ll find all that and more at thewaronporn.com. We’ve also added an events section to our website at adultsitebroker.com. Now you can get information on B2B events on our site as well as special discounts reserved for our clients. Go to adultsitebroker.com for more details. Now let’s feature our property of the week that’s for sale at Adult Site Broker. We’re proud to offer a unique company with significant revenue and the potential for increased success. This business could be the right fit for someone looking to invest in a low maintenance, high reward company. It’s a daily pay service designed to cater to performers who are already working on various platforms. In exchange for a percentage, they provide more convenient solutions, including daily, weekly, monthly or on request payouts. Advantages include a minimal time investment, rapid growth, scalability, a WhatsApp group for creators and support for the new owner up to six months. Only $74,900. Now time for this week’s interview. My guest today on Adult Site Broker Talk is Pauline Ryland. Pauline, thanks for being with us today on Adult Site Broker Talk. Thank you for inviting me to join you. It’s a pleasure. Pauline, the intimacy worshiper, works as an intimacy. That’s a tough word. Sex and libido coach and educator, she’s certified as a semantic, sexological body worker, tantra teacher and facilitator, as well as a master trainer and practitioner of neurolinguistic programming, advanced subconscious reprogramming, Erickson hypnotherapy, and she’s a results coach and performance consultant, as well as a havening techniques trauma specialist. Pauline, that’s the longest title I’ve ever seen or had to read. Anyway, she works as a transformational coach and leader working with individuals and couples around challenges they may be experiencing with intimacy, sex, libido relationships, and everything in between from all possible causes. Pauline works with all aspects of mind, body, and spirit to bring you to a place of alignment with your intimate and sexual desires, as well as clearing emotional blockages, patterns, and limiting beliefs. She is passionate about awakening people to their full potential as sexual beings, as well as sustainability of relationships, and she helps couples to deepen their connections. Pauline is a regular speaker at large events such as Sexpo and many others. She’s also been interviewed and contributed to a variety of magazines such as Clio, Cosmopolitan, and more. She’s contributed articles for a number of publications and been interviewed many times on television, radio, and now adult site broker talk. How’d you like your commercial? That’s pretty good. I’m just going to give you one correction. Okay. You said intimacy worshiper and the business name is intimacy whisperer. Did I say worshiper? You did. Do you want me to start it again? No. She is the intimacy worshiper. Whisperer. No, I said it again. Whisperer. I said it again. I didn’t want to call her for you. Oh, my God. I’ve been doing too many BDSM interviews, I think. So Pauline, what make you want to be a sex therapist? Well, it’s not really a very simple answer. Okay. Then give us a complicated answer. Well, look, I didn’t know that it was a thing being a sex therapist. I was doing a lot of my own inner work and my own dive into sacred sexuality and I got a message from the spirit, my highest self that said, "You’re a sexual healer." I’m like, "Yeah, I don’t know what that is. I’ll just park right over there." So I just sort of parked away away and carried on. And then as I developed into my NLP training, it sort of came bubbling up a little bit to the surface and we were playing around with presentation and platform skills. We were practicing getting up on the stage and talking about something. So I had that salt and pepper song going, "Let’s talk about sex, baby." And got up and started talking about sex. This was a mucking around. Really, I wasn’t so serious about it. And then further along down the track, my girlfriend and I were going through a process to work out what I was going to niche in NLP because I hadn’t really sort of given that much thought. I was just doing it more for personal development. And every time I opened my mouth, she just went boring and slammed a fist in the hand and I sort of felt like energetically my back was against the wall and the next minute out of my mouth comes the word "sex therapist" and she’s gone, "That’s it. You know more about sex than anybody I know." And I was like, "Oh my God, really? I’m not sure about that." And that’s where it started, really. Interesting. Did you say NLP training? NLP is neuro-linguistic programming. So that’s where we work with the subconscious to bring about changes on the conscious level. Pretty phenomenal and it’s pretty powerful and it works very quickly. Wow. Wow. So I mean, do you use hypnosis? I can do. I am a hypnotherapist trained. I find it a bit tedious. I do have one hypnosis script that I work with women for, you know, getting in touch with their erotic self and I’ve done a new and improved version of that and that’s pretty good. But I don’t generally do hypnosis anymore as a general part of my practice because it’s quite cumbersome. I’m happy to write a script beforehand. So no, but I do always use NLP because I don’t believe that the problems are just physical. Mindset comes into it as well. So I do use it in my coaching sessions. Okay. Sounds good. We’ve had a therapist on here before and it was very interesting. That was amazing. Yes, she actually hypnotized me. Oh, you listened to all. Thank you. How long have you been doing this work and what were you doing before that? This is almost the end of my 13th year of doing this work and prior to that, I’ve been in admin all my life. So 25 plus years doing admin, secretary, all of that sort of stuff and I walked away from that and started my own admin business which I ran for about two years and that was really working for small businesses and getting their offices organized and I was a bit of a systems queen and I could do a accreditation, like do the paper trial and have all of that sorted. So when I started that, I knew it was a stepping stone, but I didn’t know what to and then obviously it was a stepping stone to doing the work that I’m doing, but I had no knowing at the time. Okay. What sort of people do you work with and what ages are there? Oh, that is very varied. Initially when I started, everyone says you can have a target market. So I was looking at women 40 plus, but I started getting lots of men coming to me and different ages. So my youngest has been 21 and my oldest has been an 80 year old couple. So it’s pretty varied. I see single people and I see one person of the couple not always together initially. So sometimes someone in the relationship will come and work on themselves and not tell their partner or their partner’s got the support, although both sitting on the first consult. But I do work a lot with single people as well. But just know they’ve got some problems that they just want to sort out and it could be a leftover problem from previous relationships, not necessarily sexual, but can be of course sexual as well. Yeah. What are the main problems you encounter? Okay. So the biggest one is a loss of libido for women. I would call myself a libido specialist really. So I work with that and women that don’t orgasm or only orgasm occasionally. I work with men with premature ejaculation, loss of erection or not being able to maintain erection. I have a lot of common things and then also I’ve got the more obscure. So I work with women that have internal pain when they have sex and get rid of that. Doctors can’t get rid of it. I absolutely guarantee that I can get rid of that. I’ve worked with men that have had defective means that have gone long and they’ve got nerve damage on their penis. So I actually get the penis functioning again. I repair that nerve damage and heronis disease, which is when a man’s penis bends, I can get that sorted as well. So I’m sort of probably said, so yeah, that’s a genital numbness or that sort of stuff. Vaginousness, I can work with it’s a bit more complicated, but I can work with things like that as well. How often do you find yourself, for instance, if there’s a condition that you see really is medical that you’re referring them to an MD? I don’t think I’ve ever referred anyone to an MD. Really? Mm-hmm. I actually had a period where my local doctor had my car and he would send people to me. He would send men to me that had erection problems and PA because he didn’t believe in the Viagra and he was like, "Oh, it’s all on the head." And I go, "It’s not really all on the head. It’s physical as well." Well, it’s in one of the heads. It’s actually in both heads. So yeah, so no, I’ve never referred anybody to medical actually. Well that would be dick joke number one. We’ll move on from there. In fact, I was just going to say, I had this one guy come to me. He’d had surgery on his penis for Peyronys and had nerve damage and they were going to do, yeah, and they were going to have another surgery in a couple of months and I said, "No way, in hell. You are not having another surgery. Not on my watch. I will fix this." And I did. Took us a while, but we got there in the end and he was fully disconnected from his penis. They weren’t having sex. They were a young couple. It was really complex, but we got there in the end and he connected to his penis and they started having sex again. So that was pretty cool. That’s great. You must find your work to be extremely rewarding in a case like that. Yeah, yeah. It’s about fixing people’s problems, but when it’s such a big turnaround, it’s something like that. It’s amazing. It really is amazing. And they were very suspicious, but they were so desperate and out of options that they just begrudgingly gave me a go. Yeah, no, I get it. It was a bit like that though, I liked it because I was working on that, breaking the adhesions down in his penis and that started shifting straight away. So, you know, it’s pretty good. That’s cool. What are some of the more unusual sexual problems you worked with? Oh, I have a guy in his 50s who was a cross-dresser and having erectile challenges as in not maintaining his erection. Hmm. He probably looked at himself in the mirror. I don’t know. Like it was like, he had a lot of that mean, I’m going to be, I’m going to just ignore that one. Okay, you ignore that. I got to throw some levity in every once in a while or I can’t function. So go ahead. Okay, that’s fine. And he was very, very depressed. He’d been suicidal at times in his life. He was just a living the lie, you know? And so in the first intake, I’m like, okay, so he wanted to change into his female clothes or make you fine. So he did that and he was freaking out. So I just got him to calm down, took him through a process to calm him down and get his system calm and he was okay. Never made a comment about, oh, nice dress or you look nice. It just was like, how are you feeling now? I never gave any reference to it. And so I asked him, you like wearing high heels? No, do you like wearing, do you like to wear a wig? No, do you like to wear makeup? No, I just like to feel the fabric. And as we progressed through the work, doing him his different exercises and activities to do and working with his mindset, he’d come in and he’d go, I’m sorry, I’m just ordered a wig online. I was like, okay, that’s nice. And then it was like, oh, I’ve been Googling how to wear makeup and my aunt’s going to show me. I’m like, okay, that’s nice. And so little things like that just kept progressing as we got along and cleared stuff. So in the very last session, he said to me, I am obsessed with transgender. I’m not looking at cross dressing anymore. I’m obsessed. And I went, okay, that’s nice. And then at the very end of the session, I said to him, are you a transgender? And he’s holding completely an ugly litter. And then he realized and he totally lost his shit and completely freaked out. I said, that’s okay. You know, you didn’t know that that was potentially buried from a 11 year old boy. So you brought that out of him, which he really wanted to be brought out. Yeah. And I said, just don’t freak out. Just pop it over there like a hat. And when you want to have a look at the hat, put it on your head, try it on, feel it, feel it and do it. And it freaks you out. Put it over there again. Like just slowly, slowly, because this is a new revelation. I said, but you need to go and see somebody that’s more specialized in this field. So I helped him. I got onto the transgender community on Facebook and said, this is what’s happening. You know, can I get some recommendations? I found him a transgender clinic in Brisbane in the city and said, you know, you have to go to the doctor and get a referral. So he did all of that. And he started transitioning. Oh, that’s cool. Yeah. Everyone, everyone’s different. And if he felt that he wanted to be a woman, more power to him. Yeah. 100%. So that would probably be one of the more unusual scenarios. I would say, although it’s not like it’s uncommon anymore that people are trans. I mean, it’s not uncommon at all. No, I’ve had another cross-dresser before, but he didn’t come back for coaching. And we did the concert who’s going to sign on. And I just think he was just wasn’t ready to do anything about it. So it was more about owning it and claiming it. And he was living a dual life with his wife and kids and was all a bit too much. So that’s the only other time I’ve come across it. I’ve been working with a cross-dresser or trans. Okay. Can you explain in more detail about the different techniques and practices you work with and how they not only work together, but how they help the client? Yeah, sure. So I’ll start with NLP, which is neuro-linguistic and linguistic programming. So what we’re doing there is we’re working with a sub-conscious to bring about change on the conscious mind. So I’ll just give you a couple of examples. It’s probably easier to explain how it works because of how the process actually works. And it doesn’t have to be related sexually. So when anybody comes to me, I look at what all the underlying court issues are. So yes, okay, you’ve got no libido. So I know I need to do libido coaching or you have erectile challenges. I know I need to do things in that area. But the mindset stuff is the stuff that I’m probing for to see what emotions are sitting there under the surface. So the five main emotions I work with is anger, guilt, grief, sadness and fear. And whether that’s connected sexually or not, it doesn’t matter, but they’re all sitting, everything’s all linked. So an example of that would be in my training, I had a fear of getting into a lift. And the teacher said, "Well, what happens to you when you get in the lift?" I said, "Oh, well, I’ve got to have my lucky necklace on. I’ve got to pull the angels in. I’ve got to do all this will-wish it." And then I get in the lift and when it gets to my, I watch the numbers and when it gets to my floor, I start counting. It’s the doors are open at a certain point. That’s almost permission for me to start having a panic attack. Did you get stuck in there sometime, one time? I did get stuck getting the boss lunch one. And he was so unperturbed about it was like, "Oh, great. Fine. Go get your own lunch." So she said, "Well, what would you like?" I said, "I just want to go up, press the button in the lift, get in, press the button, get out." I’m not really good at any thought. Like, it’s not a big deal. So she does the process on the whole class. I go off into the zone. I don’t know where I went. I did remember hearing her saying, "This won’t make any difference to you, Pauline." It was a bit of a tongue-in-cheek for the comment. And that was that. The following week, I had to go back into town for another training, staying in a different hotel. Part of my car, got my bag out, went to the lift, got in the lift, went up to reception, got my room key, got back in the lift and then I was on the way up to my floor when the pedding literally dropped. I was like, "Oh my God, I’m in the lift and there I am doing crazy lady dance in the lift." It was just seamless. And that’s what happens. The changes are just seamless. So that’s how that works with the emotional stuff. With the belief systems, I had a rating that she was nearly 40, never orgasmed, loved her husband a bit, played the game, but just sort of wanted to see what this fuck was about to see if she could actually have an orgasm. So she came to see me. She’d had some sexual abuse when she was a young girl and seven from her grandfather. She’d been through anorexia. She had big baby clothes. She’d always wear. And she was pretty screwed up in a lot of ways. And in the second session, we looked at limiting beliefs and she had this belief of almost of like who the hell was she to even enjoy an orgasm? Who the hell was she to even enjoy sex? That was the core, underlying core belief. Low self-esteem, right? Yeah. So we changed that to a belief more empowering. And it was probably along the lines of I’m empowered who I am as a sexual woman. The next session she comes to me and she’s, I kid you not, she’s in a T-shirt and a mini skirt. And I’m looking at a guy, "Check you out, girlfriend. What’s going on?" She’s going, "Oh my God, you’re not going to believe this." She’s got a hand on her head, sort of like bowing down, like inmortified that that was going on. And I said, "What happened?" And she goes, "Wow." I walked into the lounge room. I saw my husband. I went up and grabbed his hand. I led into the bedroom. We had the best sex we’ve ever had in my entire life. Oh my God, I can’t believe I did that. And I’m going, "That’s the problem for your house." And in that moment, like bang, penny dropped, seamless. The shift just happened seamlessly. That’s so cool. Yeah. Another thing I will share this long because I can. This lady, when my first intake with her, she said, "Blow job to disgusting." And I went, "I came on this for the purpose of insane things." And then we got to her into belief. And she just started seeing a guy and she’d been through an abusive domestic situation with her partner. So she was very fragile and fragilely getting involved with a man. It’s got to take it very, very slowly. And he was like nudging a bit, but being very patient. And I said, "Well, how about we get rid of this belief?" And so we changed the belief from blow jobs and disgusting to oral sex is a beautiful thing with a partner that I care. And at the end, I always go, "What do you believe now? What do you know?" And she goes, "Pinces are fun." So we had to giggle about that. Well, I mean, I like mine. I don’t know. Yeah. But that was a pretty good turnaround. And so I said, "When are you seeing a guy?" And she said in a couple of days. And I said, "Okay." Well, no pressure, but it’s not like you’re going to be going, "Oh, I’m going to have sex with him. So I’m going to try and give him oral sex." Or I don’t know if I’m ready for oral sex. She said, "You won’t even think about it. It will just be seamless. It will just happen seamlessly if it’s going to happen." I said, "But if it does, send me a text in the banana." And we had to giggle about that. And then two days later, I got a text in the banana. I was like, "Yes." I love it. I love that. Two things about the stuff you just said. First of all, women being unable to orgasm. Also that person, the last person you mentioned, it is all about trauma. Okay? I mean, I had a girlfriend who had been sexually abused by her natural father. That’s about as bad as it gets. And she was like, I don’t know, first time was probably she was seven years old. I mean, it was interesting because she always wanted me to like her father. And I was like, "Fuck him. Don’t even get me near him because I’m liable to say something." Okay. So I was taking that approval still. She went through drugs and I mean, all kinds of things. Sexually she was amazing. But it kind of centered the other way. She was a bit of a nympho. And I know for the fact, for a fact she fold around while she was with me. I mean, one night we were staying in Lake Tahoe and she owned up to me later that she had slept with a rock band that was staying on the same floor. And I was just like, "Ah, okay." Yeah. And so that’s the acting out and that’s not clearing the trauma. And so that’s why I’m really grateful that I’ve learned this trauma technique because it is so, oh, it’s the best thing that I’ve added into my practice because it really helps with that stuff so dramatically. It takes away the emotional charge. It’s really brilliant and easy. Yeah. The other thing is I’ve heard this saying and it’s so true. Men just need a place. Women need a reason. So if women has gone through trauma or whatever her beliefs are, they keep her from orgasming, which actually is not uncommon, then they really have to be there mentally where men don’t necessarily have to. That’s kind of the way relationships go. It’s kind of God’s trick on us, I think, but anyway. Well, I don’t 100% agree with you because a woman that’s not orgasming or only orgasming sometimes, it’s like, "Well, it’s the orgasm sometimes. Why aren’t you the rest of the time?" Because they’re not connected. They’re disconnected. They’re in their heads and they’re not in their body. So I teach how to get into your body and connect heart, genital, brain together. So it’s that connection that’s key and often it’s about letting go of control and there’s a few factors there. So it’s those things that need to be worked with as well. They need a reason. Yeah, and tap into their sexual energy, which is very different to just experiencing sexual pleasure from touch. We want to work with the energy and get the energy moving. They’ve got to be all there. There’s no two ways about it. And when they’re not, it just causes problems. So yeah, 100%. What makes you different from other sex therapists? What makes me different is I bring in the mindset, "We’re 100%, that’s the difference," and the trauma work as well. I mean, I’ve got the tangential, I’ve got the sexological body work, but it’s the NLP mindset work that I think is one of the key points. And then doing the havening for trauma or anxiety, I think that’s a really great tool. What exactly is happening? Tell me about that. Okay, well, haven’t it was started in America, actually, and I had to surpass the sciences and just if I was hard. It’s a touch therapy, but I don’t touch the person, they touch themselves, so it’s like rubbing your hands together as one of the movements, and there’s two other movements, like a hug and a facial movement. So when you do this movement, what it does is it calms your nervous system down and floods your system with all the happy hormones, your oxytocin, your dopamine, and your serotonin. So that’s why you feel calm. And so as just a general practice and you get stressed, you can just do that and your system will be calm. But to unlock the trauma, what we do is we do like a talk therapy. It’s a little bit like brain twisters on some levels, but we also bring in some good things as well. And the client has their eyes closed and they’re having the whole time and I get them to, you know, do these different things and add to me in different ways. But I get them to tell me about the trauma while they’re rubbing their hands together and score it. So a 10 out of 10 would be horrific. And so at the end of that session, I generally have that score down to a zero, because there’s no emotional charge. The goal is zero to two, but I, of course, try to get it to a zero. I mean, and I’m nine times out of ten, you do. There might be a very, probably, you know, I couldn’t even count on one hand how many people have only got to a two because they’re just hanging on to too much, you know, they’re hanging on to whatever reason. But we bring in all corporate really good things. So when I had this done on me, it was the dental trauma. And at the end of the session, I could find my brain looking for the trauma and I couldn’t find it. And I could actually feel my brain like winging out. That makes sense. And then over the next few days, I would do the Havening hand crapsis and say a little mantra because we create a little empowered mantra to lock into the system. So I would say that meant mantra because I was going to the dentist like two days later since really heavy gum work done. And I literally was doing it and I had literally had a half a smile on my mouth while I was doing it and I was going, oh my God, this is weird. I’m smiling about the dentist. Who the hell am I? What’s happened to me? It was hilarious. And so I’m like, oh my God, this is amazing. I have to learn this because I could see what a fantastic addition it would be to make me feel like I’m actually going to be able to do this. And I’m like, oh my God, this is amazing. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. And I’m like, oh my God, this is amazing. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to be able to do this. You know, at three and four is when we take on our beliefs and we take on the beliefs of the people around us, generally our parents. And in that situation, weirdly, because we’re just so complex, we would take on our mother’s anxiety because we want to save our mother. Not that you can, but that’s what we do. And I said to you, you’ve taken on that anxiety. And I said, and then for him, he’s got, he’s had premature adjaculation all his life. And I said, and so that weaved its way in with that side of things with you. And he sort of was like, oh my God, he could see the doc joining. So we’re going to do a havening session on Monday and then on Thursday we’re going to start his coaching. I kind of had a funny image when you said, I don’t touch the patients. I kind of harken back to when you were talking about the men and you being able to, I’m going to use the word fix because it was the only word I could think of when they have perones or something like that. So you have to excuse me for having that funny thought when you said, you know, touch the patients. Yeah. Well, in the havening, I don’t. I mean, I have had some clients that have some other issues and so it’s, you know, it’s hard for them to do the actual physical touch process of the havening themselves. So I might give them a little furry piece of fabric and they can stroke that or they can rub their leg or something. And I can do it on the clients if I want, but I prefer them to do it themselves. Nine times out of 10, I’m doing it on zoom anyway. And I only need to see the clients in person if they’ve got things like perones and it just gets fixed quicker. I mean, I can work with people that have those problems and internal problems by not working on them, but the process is a little bit slower. That’s all. What are your top three tips for better, more conscious sex? Oh, being present, slowing everything right down and breath. Interesting. You want to get into details about each? Well, yeah, sure. I mean, being present, that’s part of the problem of all women having sexual challenges is because we’re not connected. So if we’re not connected, if we’ve got this massive disconnection, we’re not present. And so if you look around how we function on a day-to-day basis, we are disconnected. We’re on our computers or on our phones. We, you know, we don’t engage in conversation where we’re looking at someone, you know, there’s a lot of disruption and distraction around. I have to say, Tener up, that’s the one thing my wife doesn’t do. That’s the one time she’s not on her phone is what I should say. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s like, you know, we have this disconnection and so it’s about learning techniques to actually come into our bodies and into our hearts and get really connected. I mean, we’re in that space and connected within ourselves in that way. And then it’s easier to connect with your partner and in that instance, you can connect in a much deeper way. And I think with sex, you know, it’s a bit too busy at times. Got to do this, got to do that, got to, oh, you know, like, like there’s a secret checklist. Oh, I’ve played with a plethora for, you know, a little bit now. It’s time to put the penis in or whatever. And there’s too much of this checklist and it’s like, that’s not really how sex works. If you’re in your body and present, then it’s like the energy is flowing. So we want to move out of the space of doing sex to into the space of being. And when we’re in the space of being, we’re following the sexual energy. So it’s a very different experience, which means you are more present. And breath is really key as well for lots of different reasons. Like, how me, I always ask this when I do, when I do my talks, when I talk about, I go, think about how you orgasm, how many of you hold your breath. And if you can breathe through your orgasm, it means that sexual energy has got room to move through your body in that flow as opposed to if you’re holding your breath while you’re orgasming, it’s like the energy just gets stuck. It’s like hitting a wall. It’s not moving. So you’re only going to go to a certain point, but if you can blow your breath while you’re orgasming and then the energy moves forward, you’re going to have a different experience as well. I’m going to make it much better, I’m sure. 100%. And I’m all about that. I’m going to try that right after the interview. Okay, excellent. Good to hear. Well, all this is fresh in my mind. What should a person or couple expect in a standard consultation? Okay, so a consult’s really to just talk about the issue at hand, what’s going on. And I’m a little bit like Sherlock Holmes. I ask a million questions. I want to know how long they’re experiencing it for. Is it just with these partners? Have they been with previous partners? I get their health history, their medical history, if they’ve had surgeries, I find out past relationships and how they unfolded, even going back to childhood, trauma, sexual abuse, anything like that, anything major that has, let’s say a guy suddenly having erection problems to the last five years. Well, what happened five years ago? And we try that is, oh, you split up with your wife or blah, blah, blah. Will this happen? Or you had this big catastrophe at work or whatever it is. It can quite often be because something that’s happened and that’s just how your body’s responded. So my job is to really uncover the underlying poor issues that are driving it. And so that’s how I then determine what we’re going to do in the session. So a good example would be the guy today. You know, he’s had a lifetime problem of PE. It’s never been a major issue, but it’s becoming more of an issue because he’s just, he’s in a high root and he’s messing with his head a lot and he’s in a great relationship for the last five years. I know both of them. And he just wants to be able to take his sexual experience to the next level and it’s just hit and miss. And so he’s got this tremendous anxiety every time he goes to have sex. It’s like, well, is it going to last? I’m not going to lose it. You know, the other week he ejaculated before he ever got inside. So it’s sort of all over the place. So after coming up with going through different things, he had anger issues when he was doing menswear in the seventies, but never really knew where it came from. But just sort of dissipated. He said about 12 months ago, it read it’s head and he got really angry with things. I said, yeah, because let’s face it, your sex life is frustrating you and that’s a level of anger. So let’s work with anger. Let’s work with guilt because you’ll be feeling guilty about his sexual function. Let’s work with fear. That definitely is something that would work on men’s heads for sure. Yeah. What it’s fearful about each time he has sex, just that unknown and the fearful of moving away from this, because this is almost like his, he’s almost like it’s his persona on the man that ejaculates too quickly. So he’s got to get a new persona. So we’ve got to let that go. So we’re working with those things. We’re going to work with his anxiety. So that’s the first thing that we’re going to do. After that we’ll calm the farm down or calm him down so we can get into the other emotional stuff. And then we’re going to work with some of the beliefs. And I said, you know, like without even digging in, I said, there’s probably beliefs sitting in your system like, I’m no good as a lover. I feel strong in my masculinity because not good at sex. All those sort of underlying things there. So we need to add, so what happens as we stick those limiting beliefs off and replace them with beliefs that are really empowering, he starts to like really grow in his confidence with him himself and he starts to really step out and really shine because we’re releasing all the cracks basically. And then at the same time, we’re doing exercises and activities to strengthen erection functions. With PE we have to work up, it’s a little bit more complicated and it will probably take longer than my time with him, but he’ll have the techniques and his partner can get involved with it as well. But we have to teach men how to stay aroused, but move away from aroused or while staying aroused. It’s a specific technique. So that’s a little process that takes time. And then other activities and things that I’ll give him to start working with the sexual energy and getting the sexual energy moving and some different healing activities that he can do on his own and with his girlfriend. And so that’s what we’re doing. So at the end of the session, I go, okay, I just summarized these are the things that we’re going to do. I think we need to do extra man a session. So with him, I sort of said, look, it could be four or five. Let me quote you on four sessions and then I just work a price point out. Everyone has their own tailored price point. People are really like broke, then I don’t want them to miss out. Or they’re young, you know, they’re in their twenties, you know, I don’t expect them to pay what I charge. So I’m wondering what they... Before we started the actual interview, we were having a nice, nice casual talk. And one of the issues that we both agreed we both suffer from is discrimination from the mainstream world. What amazes me is that sex is something that everybody pretty much has. Yet you are suffering from the same type of social media issues that us in porn have been suffering from. And not that I’m going to justify what they’ve done to people and adult because it’s completely unconscionable, but you’re getting the same type of treatment, aren’t you? Yeah, well, a long time ago, not a long time ago, but at least five, seven years ago, my business page on Facebook is intimacy whisperer. And I wanted to run some out and I got shut down because I had the word intimacy as my business page. I’m like, oh, for God’s sake, you’re kidding. So I created another pulling rather entrepreneur page so I could try and run there anyway. It didn’t end up sort of really happening. I told you they banned anyone who listens to this podcast knows that I was banned a while ago. But then as I said just recently, LinkedIn, I sort of forgot and LinkedIn, suddenly my account disappeared and I wasn’t that upset because then I linked in LinkedIn. It’s not like a big thing for me, but I’ve got a LinkedIn monthly meeting because it’s a great networking and a great crew of people. So it’s good to be on LinkedIn and connect with them that way. And I put a logistic thing and then they said they’d be back to me. I lodged twice. I said, "I haven’t heard anything back." And then I finally came back and said my account had been closed due to violations of adult content and I had to write back to them by reply that I promised I would not write anything like naughty again, basically. And then I was like, "I wonder what it was that I wrote?" And then when I finally got my account back, I was like, "Oh, I share the blog, which is about orgasms and sexual energy." God forbid. What you should have said was, "If nobody ever orgasmed him, you wouldn’t be living." I know. So now I’ve just been more mindful with LinkedIn to the day I did a post that went to Facebook to my business page and put on LinkedIn. And I just was like, "You know, every time I write a word stick, I just do S-astrophy, you know, with that little star thing." And then I got done after worry about it, I could just put it everywhere, but it’s pretty ridiculous. It’s completely ridiculous. I told you what they did to my LinkedIn. I had over 5,000 followers and they can my Facebook page. I twice contacted them and they turned down my appeals. Now I’m back with about 250 followers and I’m just not that motivated to spend a lot of time there. So Facebook obviously kicked me to the can. So Hank, Twitter and Instagram, well, that’s owned by Facebook, but I’m still promoting this podcast there as long as they’ll let me. And I am going to use the word "sex" without asterisk for years, by the way. In terms of sex, what are you passionate about? I am passionate and my mission is to awaken everyone to their full sexual potential because I believe most people aren’t kidding that. Even if someone’s really orgasmic, I go, "Yeah, it’s like a sticker card, I’ll raise you one." I know I can take that for another level. So that’s one aspect. And if you’re in a relationship as a couple, I’m passionate about relationships being sustainable. So a relationship that is a contribution to each other, whether it’s kindness, caring, generosity as in it can be generosity, your spirit, generosity in the way you work with each other in kindness. And to be always raising each other up so that if I’ve got a partner, in addition to my life, by having that person in my life, it’s raised my life and my vibration by 10% minimum. So it’s a joy. So that’s what I’m meant by sustainable relationship because to me, relationships out there that aren’t talking, they’re not having sex. I mean, there was some stats a few years back, I don’t know if it was a worldwide or an Australian stat, sorry, I can’t remember, but it said one in 10 marriages weren’t having sex, which meant that the semi-marital was like a really high percentage of marriages were class of sex was. I think it’s higher than that personally. From what I know from talking to friends and everything else, I mean, I think it’s higher than that. I really do. Yeah. And it’s sad because sex is your life force, it’s your energy. If you’re not utilizing your sexual energy, guess what? You’re going to get sick. You’re going to get all other things are going to go down. If you’re not using that energy and it keeps you younger and vital and happier and healthier and look around the planet, how many sick people there are. Exactly. You wrote a book titled... I did. Yes, you did. It was titled Empowered Conscious Sexuality from Prude to Pleasure, another long title. What made you write it and what’s it about? Well, a couple of years back now, probably about five years ago, I had almost ready to end around me writing books. I was like, "Oh, God, I’m not going to write a book. I want to work." That was my attitude. And then I got a download from... I call it Spirit, it’s like my higher self. A couple of years back, said, "You’re going to write a book and I’m like, "Yeah, okay, well, I’ll just park that. I’m not ready for that." And then last year, I was like, "Oh, I think I’m going to write a book this year." I was like, "Oh," and it was quite strong. I was like, "Okay, that’s interesting." So I found the guy I was going to do it with. It was a seven-day online book writing program, which he pre-COVID, he would take you to Hawaii and all his wonderful locations, but he pivoted and did it that way through COVID. He’s bringing back the odd retreat, live retreat. And so in my head, I was like going to write it around this time of the year, around October. And it was quite funny how it came about. I did a book mapping session with him, which was a free zoom for an hour, which went through the stages of how to map out your book. And so I’ve already done one with him about four or five years earlier at a big conference and that was the best year of the time. So I sort of had my notes still from there. So I just sort of pulled that out and went through it again and sort of got a bit of idea of what the chapters were and the structure and stuff. And then I was going through a bit of a funk. We all have them out ourselves. I’m not perfect. And I was actually in a space where I could not make a decision. I was just frozen. And I had a girlfriend who’s one of my mentors was offering a free training. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll message you because I was like, I’m not paying $270 for that. I was being really, really scroogey. And then in the end, I didn’t get it, but she offered whatever the price was that was the price. She offered it at a discount price and I was sitting there thinking about it. And all of a sudden out of nowhere, the book started slamming me on the head energetically. It was banging me on the head. The book, the book, the book. I’m like, what the hell? So I’ve looked and the book was due to start the course on the Monday. This is on the Friday. So I’ve messaged the book guy and said, blah, blah, blah, tell me what’s going on. And he’s come back and I said, oh, well, I’ll let you know Sunday night. He goes, no, applications closed at 5pm today. This is at 3 o’clock. And I’ve just went, no, well, I saw, but you know what I mean? I’m like, no. And so I was just going in the whirlwind of stuff and I said, okay, I’m in and I went into both the courses. So I went from her course to his course and she works a lot on 5D, working in the 5D. And so it was like this complete timeline jump that I did when I dived into his course. And it was seven days. Spacebook was off. I was just at a table and it just literally poured out at me in four days. I wrote the book and it took me two weeks of editing and adding more chapters and stuff. And then it was done and I launched it in March at the, I’m doing expo called Mind Body Spirit Festival in, where was I in Sydney? I launched it there and went to number one, Amazon best seller in five categories. Wow. Congratulations. Yeah, that’s pretty cool. Thank you. And I was number one in a summer in America, but I can’t remember which category. So yeah, it’s pretty stoked with that. I was very happy. And so the books really, the books, my journey about how I got into this work and the different things that sort of led me to where I am. It goes into the modalities I do in a lot more detail. It goes into the types of problems I have, the types of clients I see, some testimonials. And then through the book, there are some activities for people to do when they’re single or in a relationship, this activity for them to do as well. I’ve got really good feedback for it. So yeah, I’m pretty happy about it. Nice. I think something else exciting that happened recently. You were the cover girl in both April and June, both months for Holistic Bliss Magazine. What kind of feedback did you get from that? Oh, really amazing. I’ve been a part of Holistic Bliss Magazine, their print version for some years on and off. I’d do the odd token article and then I did a year. I was there. I was at, I had a column. So I was like the sex column. I had, and I could write about whatever I wanted really. They had a theme each month. So I would try and tie in whatever theme was if it worked. So that was really good. I mean, they go to about 50 countries worldwide and they’re now probably more now. And they predominantly are now online and they do, I think, one or two in print local yearly now. And so the owner editor Vanessa put an email out saying, "We have three spaces for the online cover person. Put your application, put your submission in as why we should choose you." So I just sent her an email back and said, "2023, it’s about time of six. There are people who are on the front cover of a magazine and she went, "You’re 100% right. You’re in." They did it twice. Yeah. So that was very, very cool. And there’s another magazine I’m potentially negotiating with for next year as well for a cover, which has a big readership as well. So I’m just thinking about that. Give me posted and I’d love to see the articles in those too. If you want to send me the link, that’d be fantastic. Well, hey, Pauline, I’d like to thank you for being our guest today on Adult Say Broker Talk and I hope we’ll get a chance to do this again soon. Thank you. It’s been so much fun and finally to connect with you as well. Thank you. Indeed. Thank you. My broker tip today is part eight of what to do to make your site more valuable for when you decide to sell it later. Last week we talked about information needed to give the buyer and being transparent with the buyer. Here’s more information on what to give to a potential buyer. How well has your content been protected from piracy and what steps have you taken to protect your content? Are you using a piracy takedown or monitoring service? These are important things to know. What promotional tools do you offer to your affiliates? The more tools you offer, the more successful your affiliates will be. What is your traffic breakdown by country? Consumer one countries like the USA, Canada, the UK, Germany and Australia are the most preferred. Add in anything else that will add value to the sale of your property that you can think of such as what custom scripts do you use? What content management system software is on your site? Do you use billing or affiliate software like NATS? What’s your retention rate? How you retain your members is of the utmost importance. How many joins and rebuilds do you have a day? Do you buy advertising and if so what kind? Can your content make more money on the DVD or VOD markets or have you already tapped into those opportunities? How much did you spend to produce or buy the content that’s on your site? What do you believe the content is worth now? We’ll talk about this subject more next week. And next week we’ll be speaking with Alex Lacompt of 7Vails. And that’s it for this week’s Adult Site Broker Talk. I’d once again like to thank my guest Pauline Ryeland. Talk to you again next week on Adult Site Broker Talk. I’m Bruce Friedman. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [BLANK_AUDIO]